The internet is ruining one of my favorite authors. This is not the first time.

I was sitting in the physical therapist’s office, randomly scrolling through Twitter and came across a tell-all piece regarding Marion Zimmer Bradly.

When I was a teenager, my aunt gifted me with “Mists of Avalon.” I remember my mom not being pleased with this choice, as there were ahem… questionable scenes in the book, and she was not sure I was old enough to handle these scenes.

It was not Game of Thrones (which I agree has several questionable and uncomfortable scenes in the book). Its fiction, but finally, my mom was being a good parent and involved in what I was reading.

(I digress for a moment and firmly believe that parents should be involved in what their kids are reading. Check into the author, check into the content. There is no reason these days that you can’t find a synopsis or reviews to help you make the best choices for your kids. It was more difficult for my mom back in the day.)

The article accused Marion Zimmer Bradly of child molestation by her own daughter after Marion Zimmer Bradly had passed away. To say I was shocked is an understatement. Now you may be reading this and think, Merry this is an easy decision. Why a crisis of conscience?

Because “Mists of Avalon” was one of my favorite books. I looked up to Marion Zimmer Bradley as an author. I had planned to re-read the book in adulthood; I even have an autographed copy of another of her books. I can’t look at either book without profound disappointment.

When Bradley had a magazine, I submitted to her magazine, and while my work was rejected, I kept the letter. The letter had a personal note, not just a formula rejection letter.

Now looking at the books just makes me sad. Can I separate my feelings of the person from the art they created that I loved? I don’t know. I should know. I know better, as my mother would say. I almost wish I had never looked at the article.

But that’s not the only piece of childhood that now I question, because I am informed now.

I read an article that Michael Landon, Charles Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie, a beloved TV series, had cheated on his wife. I guess it came out at the time the show was still on the air (didn’t know at the time; I was kid), and the incident came out again recently when the Karen Grassle, the actress who played Caroline, published a memoir.

Little House on the Prairie was an iconic show for my sister and me. I could relate to Laura in a lot of ways. I’m certain most little girls could at the time. And Charles Ingalls was such an iconic father, not perfect, but certainly he would never cheat on his wife in the show. But in real life…a different story.

Should I stop watching the TV series? I enjoyed that show, and I still do. I was rewatching the first season recently, but now, I look at the show a lot differently, especially the relationship between Caroline and Charles. They were beloved characters, played by really good actors.

But that’s not all I’m struggling with today.

Today on X, I ran across a story about Brandon Sanderson. A beloved author that I only recently discovered, and I was blown away by how well he writes. He has written a lot of books; he’s a Nebraska fantasy author and now there are lengthy claims that he is going woke. Because of his change in beliefs, his stories are more about checking boxes than actually developing a good story. I personally haven’t read recent work. This was simply what the article suggested.

The internet, AI and algorithm have insured that I can’t simply ignore these stories now. They will continue to feed me these stories, because I clicked on them once and showed interest. That’s how the internet game works.

At the end of the day, I wish I didn’t know these things. Is this considered cancel culture or just being informed? Some might say you should know about these people that you support and love their work. In some cases, they are really awful people.

No one of us are perfect. I’m guessing that if I looked up any actor, actress or author there is some an article citing how they made a mistake or commented inappropriately at some point in their lives. And I’m not saying that we should ignore infidelity or child abuse. These are all awful acts. But should it change how I feel about a story that I fell in love with ?

The answer is I don’t know.

For now, I’m going to enjoy my TV shows and my books and the characters they played or created. I am going to box up my Bradley books until I can decide what to do with them. I will continue to watch Little House and read Sanderson’s series I have come to enjoy.

I can find peace in that.